Harmony vs. 100 Pounds

Over the course of the last 15 years, I have lost and gained the same 70-100 pounds more times than I care to remember. I lost a kindergartner or two upon finishing high school and discovering my love for dancing...on bars (fully clothed, TYVM). I went from 240 down to 140 by shaking what my mama gave me five to six nights a week for six or so hours at a time. When I throw in the hour of cardio/weights I was doing while Chris and Steph (the kids I nannied for) were doing their homework, I was working out for about seven hours per day. INSANE.

Eventually, the dancing stopped. I found love (HA). We started going to movies and eating buttered popcorn for dinner. The weight started creeping back on slowly, but surely. Granted, I didn't hit 240 again, but I sure wasn't fitting into my size 10s anymore either. I know a size 10 is huge for some, but for me, it was a miracle. Having been fat my whole life, being able to shop in regular stores was awesome. Not having to look for the biggest size was even better.

I got back up to about 190 by the time the love faded and the break-up weight came with a vengeance. Apparently chicken ranch sandwiches with fries from Chili's six nights a week isn't a healthy meal plan...and neither is copious amounts of booze. I feel like I went to bed one morning at 190 and woke up at 230.

I weighed 232.2 lbs when I met the hubs. Lucky for me, finding love this time meant losing weight. I dropped 50lbs before I could blink. SCORE! Then we moved in together. Our nights of dancing in the French Quarter quickly turned into marathon Mortal Kombat sessions and my fat cells rejoiced! My 14s got snug...my 16s got snug...I was buying 18s...and no longer able to shop wherever I wanted.

We got engaged in February 2005 and planned for an October 2005 wedding on the beach in Key West. NO FREAKING WAY was I going to be a size 18 or more than 200lbs in my wedding pictures. Hello working out, hello eating healthy. It wasn't a blink of an eye, but it was fairly fast because come September, my wedding dress had to be taken in...way in...like from a size (GULP!) 20 to size 12.

And then...I got pregnant. And then I lost her. And then I got pregnant again. And then I lost it. And then my Aunt Julie (my dearest aunt, friend and second mother) took her life. And then the depression set in. And then I got pregnant! And then I lost it. But, but...then I got pregnant again!! And then I lost it. Oy. My hormones were whacked...I wasn't taking care of myself and I was just piling on the pounds. I decided I would get a gastric bypass because damnit, if I couldn't be a mom, I'd be skinny.

And then...I got pregnant. However this time, I didn't lose her. I'd love to blame my weight on pregnancy, to claim that I was carrying around baby weight. Yeah, not so much. I only gained 16 lbs while pregnant with Avery and was back to my starting weight within a few weeks.

The year went on and I basked in new motherhood. I saw a picture of myself a week before her first birthday party and cried. Then I called the weight loss surgery doctors. The ball was rolling. I was going to be skinny! And then...I got pregnant. I weighed 252 at my first doctor's appointment. I weighed 252 the day I delivered my almost 9lb baby. Within six weeks of delivering, I was down more than 30 pounds. ROCK ON! Unfortunately, it has all come back (partially my fault, partially my thyroid).

Well, I have had enough of this rollercoaster ride and I am vowing to leave the carnival. Will I lose 100 pounds over the next 988 days? I don't know, but I do know this: I am going to take ownership of the problem and do my best to get rid of the remaining 95 pounds (because I am down 5!) that are hanging around. Wish me luck.